Tuesday, April 8, 2008

we are really good at hip hop.



this is the result of a semester of hip hop classes. thank you, april!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

the mole application process

It is official. I have submitted my application and audition tape to THE MOLE Casting Department.

I have always been in LOVE with The Mole. I LOVED it when I watched it in 8th grade during its debut. I LOVED it when I purchased the first season on DVD and binged with Jordie Poncy last summer. I LOVED it when I persuaded Lee to watch the entire first season last Monday night. Really, what’s not to LOVE?

It has been my dream for some time now. Anytime Jordie and I begin talking hypothetically about our future - whether plans to invent a time machine or plans to move to an exotic island after we graduate so we can renovate a decrepit house – somehow EVERY conversation reverts back to The Mole. It’s really quite bizarre how often our goal of being on The Mole comes up. We are to the point where we talk in terms of “Mole”.

Jordie: How moley would I be if I made a video for Delta with Matt Hanson and not you and never mentioned it?
Anna Marie: Soooo moley. Thank goodness you would never do that!

Jordie: If I could have any super power, I would want mind control.
Anna Marie: REALLY!? You really ARE slytherin!
Jordie: What?! I don’t think that’s a mole move at all.

Anna Marie: What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
Jordie: I can’t decide. Either a piece of candy corn or a mole.

Anna Marie: What’s a good prank I could play on some people? I need your noggin.
Jordie: How 'bout this: put baby powder in under their door crack when the door is closed. Then, from outside, put a blow-dryer to it, dusting their whole room in a suspicious white powder. That, or kill their pets.
Anna Marie: That’s brill. You really ARE a mole.

Jordie: They should make a season of the mole where everyone is from the same family and one is the mole.
Anna Marie: After we both graduate, wanna make our own mole?... We can organize with friends and make up sweet missions. Who should we make the mole? It can't be one of us, cause we have to be the clever hosts.
Jordie: You know who would be a terrible mole?
Anna Marie: Who?
Jordie: Adam Martin. He would stop in the middle and ask the producers questions about the theory behind what he is supposed to be doing and then laugh when he realized that he’d given himself away.

I had been checking the ABC website persistently for weeks when they finally posted it – “Casting for the Mole”. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Jordie and I could make our dreams a reality! We had 7 days to get our videos in.

Turns out Jordie caught the plague and couldn’t make a video.
WHAT A BUMMER.
As opposed to working in advance, I waited until the day the audition tape was due to get started on editing and filling out the 19 page application, which included a cryptic legal statement.

I spent an entire day of dressing in monochromatic outfits, camouflaging myself with familiar objects around campus, and being filmed. I was observed and questioned by many-a colleague as to why I was dressed in such a manner and why I had a camera. Each time I explained – I knew that it would result in either a complete loss or gain of all respect. This is pretty much my litmus test for life.

Of course, the day the video was due – there WOULD be a 5 hour staff training session in the computer lab, forcing me into a 30 minute power editing session, before getting kicked out of the media lab when an unexpected class showed up. Regardless, I am content with the “homemade” feel of the video. I also had to sing all the songs from The Mole, since I signed that I didn’t use anything that was copyrighted.

Highlights from the application:
[Most of these came from a 2am brainstorming session with Lee and Mary Gearing, so they deserve much of the credit.]
• Do you own The Mole on DVD?
Heck yes!

• Would you consider yourself a fan of the show?
Heck yes!

• Describe yourself in one word.
Stealthy.

• Have you ever let your teammates down?
At age 4 while playing t-ball, I lost the entire game for my team, the Dodgers.

• What are you afraid of? What makes you nervous?
I am deathly afraid of ladybugs. They attacked me once. Jonathon Taylor Thomas makes me very nervous.

• What is the wildest thing you’ve ever done?
I once duct-taped my teacher to a wall.

• The competitor on this show should have skills in strategy in order to win. Explain why you think you could win.

• Who is the most important person or persons in your life? Why?
This is toss up between my family and Jordie Poncy. Why? My family is incredibly supportive of everything I do, and Jordie tells great jokes.

• If you could have one person visit you during the show, who would it be and why?
Lee Mimms. Because she paid me to say that. And she’s half Belgian.

• If you were selected to be “The Mole”, why do you think you could outsmart your competitors?
Let’s just say – I know linear algebra.

• Tell us how you deal with conflict and adversity in group situations.
I generally place my hands over my ears. This is followed by repetitive screaming.

• What is the biggest lie you’ve ever told?
I am related to The Notorious B.I.G.

• Which would you prefer to be: “the mole” or a competitor?
Honestly, I would prefer to be the host.

• Have you ever appeared nude in any magazine, publicly disseminated photographs, advertisements, or on the internet?

• Do you currently use recreational drugs?

• Tell us 3 surprising things about yourself or your past that most people do not know.
1. I played the role of Tecumseh in my 3rd grade play.
2. I settled Catan.
3. I would rather be rich than stupid.

• Besides the end prize, what is your motivation to be on this show?
In the wise words of Jordie Poncy, “Do [I] really want to live the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like to win The Mole?!?!” Jordie is my motivation for winning all the dough.

• I warrant that all music involved in the application is free from copyright. [Why do you think I sang the mole theme songs? It’s NOT because I don’t own the soundtrack!]

[audition tape posted below.]

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Chik-fil-a

[a telephone dialogue between my mom and sister.]

Mom: Yeah, I just picked up some chik-fil-a.
Rachel: Wait, are you in Murfreesboro?
Mom: No, I didn’t tell you? We got one in Shelbyville.
Rachel: No way! That’s huge…for Shelbyville!
Mom: Well it’s not a real chik-fil-a. They just put one in to test and see if we can handle having a real chik-fil-a.
Rachel: That doesn’t make any sense. If you were going to build a Chik-fil-a building, wouldn’t it be a lot more cost efficient to go ahead and build a real Chik-fil-a, as opposed to a “Test” one.
Mom: Well, that’s the thing. It’s a trailer.
Rachel: WHAT!?!?!
Mom: Yeah, they just put a Chik-fil-a trailer in the parking lot next to the realty place on Main Street.
Rachel: REALLY?!
Mom: yeah, you have to drive up to it. And take the food home.
Rachel: This is too much.
Mom: Oh, and you can only order like 3 different items, cause it’s a “test” Chik-fil-a, so they don’t have everything the real one does.
Rachel: Are you kidding me?
Mom: And if you order drinks, they have to go in the building next door to get them. It’s gotten pretty popular. They have a lot of business.

While I was home, I requested that we eat there as a family. We piled in the car and headed towards the trailer on Main Street.

Let's just say – everything about this experience was completely fulfilling.

As we drove into the empty parking lot, I saw that the trailer is utterly covered in cow prints. It looked surprisingly well-done... for a Chik-fil-a trailer. Aside from the fact that it's on wheels, these people gave 100% on the exterior decorating.

A girl with a notepad/pen stopped us 10 ft in front of the trailer window. She handed us a sheet of paper that lists the few things this chik-fil-a offers. We tell her our order, and she immediately pulled a walkie talkie out of her pocket, repeated exactly what we had just said, and told us to "drive up to the window".

We drove up to the trailer window. It's at this point that I saw that the window is made of clear plastic tarp, the kind that has Velcro around the edges. So to give us the food, the girl un-velcroed the "window", and handed us our food through the hole that has been created. The next thing I know, our drinks appeared from the building next door. This place was a machine. We headed out on our merry way.

By the time we left Chik-fil-a, at least 5 cars were in line behind us. Talk about beating the rush.

This is the town I've grown up in. I have a lot of pride when it comes to these absurdities. Shelbyville, TN… home of the Walking Horse National Celebration, the Pencil Capitol of the World (let me know if you ever need any), and Chik-fil-a in a trailer.

[see photos]


Sunday, January 27, 2008

our first video blog

I've got good news, and I've got bad news.

The good news is that Lee and I want to video blog, even though we tend to be REALLY boring and not funny in any way.

The bad news is that some perv out there though it necessary to link our first successful video blog, which is sooo boring that it has the capabilities to put you to sleep , to a prospective college student website. And as opposed to copy/pasting the description from youtube:

"our first weblog: a peanut butter tasting",

this person thought it would be appropriate to write this:

"What a Strange Piece of Video There is something almost sexual to this peanut-butter taste test. To do the test, that makes sense, but why did they record it?"

I don't even know how to respond.

Regardless, here's our first video blog post.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

joke's on me

I had been planning it for a while. Stewart Knight’s birthday gift would include digestive aids – a continuation of a Classics Trip joke.

I took a jaunt over to the ol’ CVS, made a beeline to the medicine section, and began to forage through the aisles in pursuit of the funniest thing I could possibly find. It was a tough choice, but I finally settled on Chocolate Ex-Lax, a bottle of Bean-O-On-The-Go, and a bag of flax “pure fiber” seeds. I was satisfied.

I scavenged a re-usable gift bag from a post-birthday girl on my hall, and carried the goods around with me for the rest of the day in hopes of running into Stewart. I called her a few times, trying to find her. No answer. Finally, I decided to walk down to the F apartments and hand it over. After the hike there, I marched up to Stewart’s door and knocked fervently. No answer. “No biggie. I’ll just leave it on the doorstep.” With no tag, no note, no nothin’ – I sat the neon pink gift bag outside Stewart’s door and headed out.

The next day:

24 hours later— I’d heard nothing. I figured she was busy, hadn’t had time to email. Worst case scenario – she didn’t know it was me. Implausible. The wait was KILLING me because I have the patience of a goldfish in such situations; I resolved to call her up:

Stew: [picking up the phone] Hello.
AM: Hey Stew! Did you get your bday gift I left outside your door yesterday?!?!
Stew: No.
AM: Wait. You didn’t get the gift bag outside of your apartment yesterday?
Stew: No. one of my roommate’s probably picked it up, thinking it was theirs.
AM: Which floor do you live on?
Stew: the 3rd floor.

My stomach dropped. And that’s when I realized – I had left a bag of laxatives OUTSIDE THE WRONG DOOR... a door of unknown residents…on the 2nd floor… And I was going to have to be the bigger person and go ask for my laxatives back.

A full 27 hours after the initial visit to “stewart’s apartment”, I scuffled back to the door, dragging Lee along as moral support, realizing this time that the names of the residents were posted clearly from the outside. I knocked gingerly, and a girl named Anna answered. I said, “did you guys receive a bag of laxatives?.. yadda yadda.” It was one of the more embarrassing moments of my life.

Needless to say, I made 5 new friends that day. All of which now refer to me as: the girl who left us the laxatives.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

the return of the mole, a reality tv series

gchat b/w jordie poncy and anna marie smith.

Detective McGoogles: the mole is back!!!!
this message will self destruct
Detective McGoogles away message: Detective McGoogles: Thanks for the pep talk. Jess: It's not pep. It's reality. Detective McGoogles: You mean, celebreality.
Agent Deelishis: i know!! im sooo stoked!
Detective McGoogles: you have to help me get picked to be the mole
i have never wanted to do something more in my life than be picked as the mole
Agent Deelishis: and ill be on the show and pretend to not know you
Detective McGoogles: yes!
Agent Deelishis: and we can work together, ill win the mill, and maybe ill give you some
Detective McGoogles: half
Agent Deelishis: some
Detective McGoogles: some half
Agent Deelishis: some of the mill
hahahahah
Detective McGoogles: I love that are are already arguing
Agent Deelishis: me tooo!
Detective McGoogles: that is sooooo mole like
Agent Deelishis: dude we were made for this
Detective McGoogles: MADE for this
Agent Deelishis: it's so REAL
Detective McGoogles: so real
if i don't get to be the mole, i'll die
Agent Deelishis: i havent read up much on it yet - where are they taking us?
Detective McGoogles: i don't know. i'm assuming they'll tell me before they tell you since i have to be in on it
Agent Deelishis: thats fair
Detective McGoogles: so i'll tell you when they let me know
totally fair
Agent Deelishis: perfect. i am so good at being secret and stealthy
Detective McGoogles: me too, but you wouldn't think i am which makes it work
Agent Deelishis: and our hometowns make us look so NOT-friends
EVERYTHING is in our favor here
Detective McGoogles: i know
Agent Deelishis: since the first mole was a girl, they're totally picking a guy thus time
Detective McGoogles: like me
Agent Deelishis: suresuresure
Detective McGoogles: sure sure sure
when we are on the show, we have to pretend that we just made that up
Agent Deelishis: like a week in
we can't talk for the first week really
it would be suspicious
Detective McGoogles: no we can't
but we can begin to laugh at the same things to make our friendship appear inveritable, even in its nascent stages
Agent Deelishis: totally
Detective McGoogles: this is going to be soooo coool!
Agent Deelishis: i just can't wait!
Detective McGoogles: me either. you should act suspicious.
so they suspect you
like the season one winner did
Agent Deelishis: suresuresure
Detective McGoogles: sure sure sure
Agent Deelishis: that will be perfect!
SHOOT!
Casting and pre-production have begun on the show, which will likely start shooting later this spring. ABC is looking to run "The Mole" this summer, reports Variety.
Detective McGoogles: maybe its not too late
who can we contact
tell them its an emergency
Agent Deelishis: ANDERSON COOPER.
Directly.
Detective McGoogles: he's not doing it though
i thought of that
Agent Deelishis: still, he has in's
Detective McGoogles: truth
Agent Deelishis: weve gotta contact him
Detective McGoogles: who else!
let's call abc
seriously
we cannot let this slip
Agent Deelishis: im on it... doing research on #s now
joponcy: its too awesome
please please please
Agent Deelishis: holy moly!
joponcy: what?
Agent Deelishis: if you can't be the mole, ive found the role for you (maybe us)
"We're looking for someone in the Anderson mode, a little mysterious but full of comedy," he said. "It could be a breakout role for someone."
as host!!!!
we could double host it!!!!!!
joponcy: ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
make it happen!!!!!!!!!!
we have to get at least me but hopefully us to host!
then we are both guaranteed to stay the whole time!
how do we apply
how how how!
Agent Deelishis: it’s only fair, if you mention my name hella often
Detective McGoogles: all the time
literally
Agent Deelishis: good. ill let you beat me then. for host.
Detective McGoogles: YES!
one down, everyone else to go
how can i apply
Agent Deelishis: i found it! hold on
Detective McGoogles: i am so serious about this
Agent Deelishis: http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/mole-3-auditions-announced-196.php
Detective McGoogles: more serious than I have ever been about anything
Agent Deelishis: SHOOT! the links dont work
Detective McGoogles: ahhhh!
Agent Deelishis: this is torture
i can't take it!!!!
ahhhh!!
Detective McGoogles: it looks like our first mole mission is figuring out how to apply. sinister.
Agent Deelishis: looks like a good task for... wait for it... the mole
Detective McGoogles: da na na, na na. da na na, na na na
Sent at 1:18 PM on Tuesday
Agent Deelishis: i just emailed abc, so ill let you know when they reply
i can't find anything on their website, even just about a new season, so that means casting hasn’t started yet, im sure
we're totally in.
Sent at 1:30 PM on Tuesday
Agent Deelishis: im going to blog this.
Sent at 1:34 PM on Tuesday
Detective McGoogles: nice. but change our names so the plan is not revealed.