joke's on me

I had been planning it for a while. Stewart Knight’s birthday gift would include digestive aids – a continuation of a Classics Trip joke.

I took a jaunt over to the ol’ CVS, made a beeline to the medicine section, and began to forage through the aisles in pursuit of the funniest thing I could possibly find. It was a tough choice, but I finally settled on Chocolate Ex-Lax, a bottle of Bean-O-On-The-Go, and a bag of flax “pure fiber” seeds. I was satisfied.

I scavenged a re-usable gift bag from a post-birthday girl on my hall, and carried the goods around with me for the rest of the day in hopes of running into Stewart. I called her a few times, trying to find her. No answer. Finally, I decided to walk down to the F apartments and hand it over. After the hike there, I marched up to Stewart’s door and knocked fervently. No answer. “No biggie. I’ll just leave it on the doorstep.” With no tag, no note, no nothin’ – I sat the neon pink gift bag outside Stewart’s door and headed out.

The next day:

24 hours later— I’d heard nothing. I figured she was busy, hadn’t had time to email. Worst case scenario – she didn’t know it was me. Implausible. The wait was KILLING me because I have the patience of a goldfish in such situations; I resolved to call her up:

Stew: [picking up the phone] Hello.
AM: Hey Stew! Did you get your bday gift I left outside your door yesterday?!?!
Stew: No.
AM: Wait. You didn’t get the gift bag outside of your apartment yesterday?
Stew: No. one of my roommate’s probably picked it up, thinking it was theirs.
AM: Which floor do you live on?
Stew: the 3rd floor.

My stomach dropped. And that’s when I realized – I had left a bag of laxatives OUTSIDE THE WRONG DOOR... a door of unknown residents…on the 2nd floor… And I was going to have to be the bigger person and go ask for my laxatives back.

A full 27 hours after the initial visit to “stewart’s apartment”, I scuffled back to the door, dragging Lee along as moral support, realizing this time that the names of the residents were posted clearly from the outside. I knocked gingerly, and a girl named Anna answered. I said, “did you guys receive a bag of laxatives?.. yadda yadda.” It was one of the more embarrassing moments of my life.

Needless to say, I made 5 new friends that day. All of which now refer to me as: the girl who left us the laxatives.

the return of the mole, a reality tv series

gchat b/w jordie poncy and anna marie smith.

Detective McGoogles: the mole is back!!!!
this message will self destruct
Detective McGoogles away message: Detective McGoogles: Thanks for the pep talk. Jess: It's not pep. It's reality. Detective McGoogles: You mean, celebreality.
Agent Deelishis: i know!! im sooo stoked!
Detective McGoogles: you have to help me get picked to be the mole
i have never wanted to do something more in my life than be picked as the mole
Agent Deelishis: and ill be on the show and pretend to not know you
Detective McGoogles: yes!
Agent Deelishis: and we can work together, ill win the mill, and maybe ill give you some
Detective McGoogles: half
Agent Deelishis: some
Detective McGoogles: some half
Agent Deelishis: some of the mill
hahahahah
Detective McGoogles: I love that are are already arguing
Agent Deelishis: me tooo!
Detective McGoogles: that is sooooo mole like
Agent Deelishis: dude we were made for this
Detective McGoogles: MADE for this
Agent Deelishis: it's so REAL
Detective McGoogles: so real
if i don't get to be the mole, i'll die
Agent Deelishis: i havent read up much on it yet - where are they taking us?
Detective McGoogles: i don't know. i'm assuming they'll tell me before they tell you since i have to be in on it
Agent Deelishis: thats fair
Detective McGoogles: so i'll tell you when they let me know
totally fair
Agent Deelishis: perfect. i am so good at being secret and stealthy
Detective McGoogles: me too, but you wouldn't think i am which makes it work
Agent Deelishis: and our hometowns make us look so NOT-friends
EVERYTHING is in our favor here
Detective McGoogles: i know
Agent Deelishis: since the first mole was a girl, they're totally picking a guy thus time
Detective McGoogles: like me
Agent Deelishis: suresuresure
Detective McGoogles: sure sure sure
when we are on the show, we have to pretend that we just made that up
Agent Deelishis: like a week in
we can't talk for the first week really
it would be suspicious
Detective McGoogles: no we can't
but we can begin to laugh at the same things to make our friendship appear inveritable, even in its nascent stages
Agent Deelishis: totally
Detective McGoogles: this is going to be soooo coool!
Agent Deelishis: i just can't wait!
Detective McGoogles: me either. you should act suspicious.
so they suspect you
like the season one winner did
Agent Deelishis: suresuresure
Detective McGoogles: sure sure sure
Agent Deelishis: that will be perfect!
SHOOT!
Casting and pre-production have begun on the show, which will likely start shooting later this spring. ABC is looking to run "The Mole" this summer, reports Variety.
Detective McGoogles: maybe its not too late
who can we contact
tell them its an emergency
Agent Deelishis: ANDERSON COOPER.
Directly.
Detective McGoogles: he's not doing it though
i thought of that
Agent Deelishis: still, he has in's
Detective McGoogles: truth
Agent Deelishis: weve gotta contact him
Detective McGoogles: who else!
let's call abc
seriously
we cannot let this slip
Agent Deelishis: im on it... doing research on #s now
joponcy: its too awesome
please please please
Agent Deelishis: holy moly!
joponcy: what?
Agent Deelishis: if you can't be the mole, ive found the role for you (maybe us)
"We're looking for someone in the Anderson mode, a little mysterious but full of comedy," he said. "It could be a breakout role for someone."
as host!!!!
we could double host it!!!!!!
joponcy: ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
make it happen!!!!!!!!!!
we have to get at least me but hopefully us to host!
then we are both guaranteed to stay the whole time!
how do we apply
how how how!
Agent Deelishis: it’s only fair, if you mention my name hella often
Detective McGoogles: all the time
literally
Agent Deelishis: good. ill let you beat me then. for host.
Detective McGoogles: YES!
one down, everyone else to go
how can i apply
Agent Deelishis: i found it! hold on
Detective McGoogles: i am so serious about this
Agent Deelishis: http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/mole-3-auditions-announced-196.php
Detective McGoogles: more serious than I have ever been about anything
Agent Deelishis: SHOOT! the links dont work
Detective McGoogles: ahhhh!
Agent Deelishis: this is torture
i can't take it!!!!
ahhhh!!
Detective McGoogles: it looks like our first mole mission is figuring out how to apply. sinister.
Agent Deelishis: looks like a good task for... wait for it... the mole
Detective McGoogles: da na na, na na. da na na, na na na
Sent at 1:18 PM on Tuesday
Agent Deelishis: i just emailed abc, so ill let you know when they reply
i can't find anything on their website, even just about a new season, so that means casting hasn’t started yet, im sure
we're totally in.
Sent at 1:30 PM on Tuesday
Agent Deelishis: im going to blog this.
Sent at 1:34 PM on Tuesday
Detective McGoogles: nice. but change our names so the plan is not revealed.

war and peace

War and peace.
by anna marie smith and lee mimms.

So it was owen fitzpatrick's 21st bday. He was suffering from mononucleosis, so we threw him a gentle "family dinner", held at the "family dinner table" in RLO. [We like to make jokes about how this resembles the dinner table of a 60s sitcom.] For Owen’s 21st, we went ALL OUT – ribs and cheesecake. A 21st birthday that he would remember. Literally. Since he had mono, and alcohol was out of the menu. All Little hall counselors were present and accounted for.

As we were enjoying each other's fellowship and finishing up our meal, our boss's boss's boss (Patty Perillo) was sitting with us and chatting it up. (She's very nice and friendly.) She exited the scene, moving down the hall toward the RLO conference room/her office. Cary heard her calling very calmly, "Guys. Guys. Could you come here for a second?" Cary leisurely departed to see what she wanted… and then called down the hall "everyone come here, I think Patty needs help.” We sluggishly moved in the direction of Patty and Cary to witness the following scene unfold before us:

Patty stood calmly holding a bowl filled with flames, as Cary stood next to her with a look of mild bemusement on his face. We all watched and wondered what would be the best solution for this fiery predicament. Stephannie McKinney suggested that Patty put the bowl down, since it WAS on fire and all. Patty responded with “it’s sort of hot.” At this point, the flames from the bowl are spilling onto the carpet and table cloth (specifically flames of plastic plate, meaning it's a gooey situation of fire).

Abby suggested we get a fire extinguisher, but Patty calmly said – “no… it’ll be okay”.

We continued to watch the flames grow exponentially. Abby got the fire extinguisher anyway. No rush on it, though. Whilst dexterously wielding said handheld cylindrical pressure vessel, she proceeded to pull the needle out, clutched the handle, and performed the sweeping motion beaten into our brains during staff training. Patty, for reasons unapparent to us, stood silently with her left fist raised gloriously in the air. It was incredible.

The room, hall, floor, etc was filled with particles of smoke, dust, and powder chemicals of the fire extinguisher, so much that we could no longer see each other. [this is an exaggeration for effect. But seriously, it was intense. Plus, it smelled hella funny.]

We chortled as the area supervisor, police forces, dining services, emergency services, and other college officials came to handle the situation. Every time an authority figure entered the room, they would accusingly ask Patty “why do you let them [meaning us] get away with these things?” or “what did YALL do?” [glaring accusatorily] It was funny. And ironic. We proceeded to write 8 similar but different incident reports… it’s part of our job, man.

And that was the day that LITTLE saved Belk dormitory.

potato, potato?

Operation: Make Lee Mimms a Hall Counselor. By Anna Marie Smith

As logistics would have it, my semester abroad did not coincide with the majority of my classmates. With this understanding, I knew that many friends and my roommate Mary Lauren would be going abroad during the time when I would be returning from other continents. So I subconsciously started a roommate search.

Throughout the semester, I hung out in kati ruark’s room, preparing for singing telegram gigs. We would collaborate on a song, then show it to a few people who passed through the hall during the process. On one occasion, lee mimms walked by kati’s room. The fact that I didn’t really know Lee didn’t stop me from inviting her in and asking for constructive criticism about our rendition of some sappy 90s song we had never heard before as we danced around in our ushe giraffe and dragon costume, made for 3 year olds. Before this time, the only thing I knew about Lee was her outstanding ability to make dinosaur noises, something that had spread through the campus like wildfire during my freshman year. This was enough to let me know she was a winner.

During post-rehearsal convo, a fun fact about lee arose. She was not planning to go abroad, but rather staying at Davidson her junior year. Thinking it would be the perfect time to capitalize on a developing friendship, I opened my eyes really wide and exclaimed “PERFECT!... WE CAN BE HALL COUNSELORS!” She looked less than thrilled, yet entertained by how serious I was acting.

This was the beginning of something that would last for days… weeks… months… -- longer than I ever expected, to say the least. For the next few weeks, every time I saw lee, I would comment about being my hall counselor partner-in-crime. It became one of my favorite jokes. I thought it was soooo funny to always be ultra serious about it, so much that people around would ask me afterwards, “are you serious?” I would tell them no, but that it was really satisfying to build up the concept, even though it would never actually happen.

I constantly popped this joke. When I ran into her at the Union: [in a ron burgundy serious sorta voice] “Lee, I thought of some hall programs for our hall next year.” Or upon our impromptu encounter at commons, “hey lee. we need to talk. some girls on our hall [eyebrow raise]…” She would join in on the joke, but then dismiss it, with no intention of becoming a hall counselor. One particular night, I stopped by a room where lee was chillin with some other folk. I pulled a ‘hall counselor’ joke, and the others in the room gave a nervous laugh, as though they didn’t get it. Lee even pointed out that “This is the probably the worst idea EVER. I would be a terrible hall counselor.” We laughed and moved on.

Over Christmas break I sarcastically emailed lee asking, “how’s the resume coming along? You are probably finished with it already, but I figured I’d check anyway.” After receiving her reply, I realized -- there was hope. The joke was so ingrained in Lee’s head that she had no other options but to begin the application. I had accomplished a feat I never even expected to
happen. The rest is history.

Order of events: Lee and I both apply. Lee and I are both accepted. Lee and I request to room together during the roommate pairing process. Lee and I will be living happily ever after in Little 306.


--------------------------------------------------------

My side of the story: a counter-argument by one Lee Mimms.

Anna Marie Smith is kind of a legend, according to the walls of Davidson College. Simple whispers of her name elicit euphoria; excitement, trepidation at times. Many-a-time, I’d been told that she and I would get along terrifically (I believe the exact words were actually: “you two would be perfectly crazy for each other” – potato, potato) and I oft wondered who this elusive and conniving creature was.

First semester of sophomore year, I became acquainted with the infamous Anna Marie. She would frequently appear on our hallway, clad in preschool attire, ready to perform singing telegrams in the hopes of acquiring adequate funds for a Segway. One fateful afternoon, I was festering in Kati Ruark’s room when Anna Marie bounced in. The three of us sat on the floor together, in triangular formation, and chit-chatted idly (read: procrastinated up the wazoo). At some point in our conversation, it occurred to all three of us that none of us were going to be abroad the next year. I filed this information away, and devoted myself to allowing my relationships with both Kati and Anna Marie to ferment into something beautiful. I remember Anna Marie mentioning something about becoming a hall counselor to which I politely replied, “Oh, that would be fun!” Thinking nothing of my innocent comment, I perpetuated the conversation with other fun facts (like the human head weighs about eight pounds – Jerry Maguire shoutout!).

When, a few days later, Anna Marie surprised me with questions about how my RLO application was coming along, I was taken aback. Had I, in a drunken stupor, promised Leslie that I would become a hall counselor? Had I slept-walk all the way down the hill to Anna Marie’s dorm and asked her to be my future roommate? To whom am I posing all these questions? Well, anyway, I nervously told her that they were coming along fantastically –when what I really meant was, I hope she’s kidding. Upon future encounters, Anna Marie would ask similar questions or tell me she thought of a great idea for a hall program or would suggest a hall theme. I let the idea percolate in my brain, flirting with the concept of actually applying for the esteemed position of hall counselor. I would always squelch these sprouts – I don’t have the initiative, motivation, or GPA to be a hall counselor. The girls would hate me. I drink too much. Sometimes I listen to Cher’s “Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves” on repeat. For hours. At the highest volume possible. (Anna Marie, this is actually true. You’ve been warned.) No one wants that to be their role model. I told Anna Marie all of this once, and she laughed it off and told me that it was the faults in someone that are their most wondrous traits. Something along those lines.

Come December, I received an email from Leslie Urban saying that I had been highly recommended for the position of a hall counselor by my own former hall counselor. Thinking it was probably an advantageous move to start a resume, anyway, I set about on that very task. Next thing I knew, I had applied for an RLO position and had been accepted. I think the moral of this story is that they’ll let anyone into RLO these days. Even me.

no flakin on the ferry

jaw outta socket and laughin